Selfish?

Was it selfish of me to want a 4th baby? Maybe some of you would say yes, and Monday I was wondering that myself, now I have a different thought. God intended for Norah to be here. If He didn't want me to have her He would not have given her to me! Dr. McCreary told me before that the reason I have my kids is because God trusted me with them! WOW!! That really puts it in a whole new light! He trusted ME? Really? I wonder why? I guess He knew I would get them the care they need...with Dr. McCreary's help! Dr. McCreary has truley saved the lives (with God's assistance) of three of my children. If Dr. Mc wasn't so on the ball, who knows if I would even be able to have held my baby girl tonight, she may not have made it!! He knew the signs though, and he advised us to head to Childrens, and so the ride begins again, this time with my baby girl!! I thought I was good to go with girls. Rowan has been fine, no sign of HUS ever! Poor Norah was not so lucky, but you know what? I, yes I, I am lucky! She is a beautiful baby girl, she is such a little lover, so adorably sweet & deliciously chunky! God gave her to me and He will bring us though this trial!!

So the story goes...

1 week ago today Norah started vomiting. We didn't think much of it until Friday when she could no longer keep anything down. We took her to the doctor to find out she had a viral stomach bug. Sunday we even took her to urgent care. Our primary was out of town, so that is why we went there. They ran blood work, did a chest x-ray & came to the same conclusion. We were thinking she was dehydrated, but she was not. They (urgent care) told us her CBC was fine, but said nothing about her BMP & UA. Those test electolytes, kidney function, and urine output. Home we go, but had to follow up with Dr. McCreary on Monday. The entire story was explained to him. He said she looked great considering how long she had been vomiting. Praise God, Dr. Mc called the urgent care and got copies of Norah's CBC & UA. What urgent care failed to mention was that her platelets (cltting factor) was low & that there was blood and protein in her urine. Had they told me I would have known right away that we needed to get to Children's like NOW. Unfortunately, I was not informed. They did tell us that her electrolytes were funky, but they thought it was because they got her blood from a heel stick rather than a regular vein draw. I wasn't worried, but I should have asked more questions...hind sight. So Dr. McCreary gets the reults and calls Joe at home to tell him that he thinks we need to go to Children's to have her checked out. He knows the boys history, and was pretty concerned. My heart broke into a million pieces. WHY? I couldn't stop asking God why? Why does it have to me MY baby girl? I already have two boys that went through this, so why? Then I was feeling so guilty that I wanted another baby, How selfish am I. I couldn't get it out of my head!!

So we arrive here, at Children's, Monday evening, for what we thought would be a quick stay just for them to observe how her body deals with the HUS & that we should be home by Christmas. HA!! Little did I know! About 2 hours after we got to the ER they told us she was in kidney failure & that they were very concerned about her heart due to high potassium. Her sodium was dangerously low as well. She was pretty anemic too. I was completely taken aback. I really was NOT expecting that! They immediately start an IV, and put in an NG tube. The IV took 4 sticks before they were able to get it, and the NG tube was no fun for any of us, but mostly not for Norah. She kept gagging and sneezing for a good half hour or so,but they had to do it to put the medicine in her stomach to bring her potassium down. She finally settled and then we got a room. We are in the medical ICU. Norah's nurse has only 1 patient. It is nice, but you know she is a big load if the nurse only gets assigned ONE little baby! Shortly after we get here they decided to put in a central line. That way they could draw labs and not have to stick her constantly. After all is said and done Joe & my parents left, that was 3 am. I think I finally fell asleep around 5am.

Tuesday comes and goes with more changes. First thing in the morning she went down to surgery to have a dialysis catheter put in. They put it in her peritoneum (belly). This way they can pump the fluid in & then pull it out. It goes into her belly, sits for 40 minutes, then they drain for 15 minutes and refill it in over 5 minutes. So 1 hour start to finish. This fluid acts as her kidneys, since they are not working at all. It pulls out the impurities since her body can't do it on it's own...yet!!! Norah, pretty much, slept all day long. That was fine with me. I was able to hold her several times, so that did my heart good. They also removed her NG tube & her regular IV Tuesday. YAY!! The less tubes the better!!!

Wednesday, I woke up to them telling me she was getting a blood transfusion. Her hemoglobin was down to 4 ( I think it is upposed to be around 12), her hematocrit was low as well. The transfusion really helped her a lot. She has some color back & really perked up for a while. We talked, alot, to each other & she even smiled at me this morning. It really helped momma!! Nothing like seeing your sick baby still smiling at you. All was right in my world!! About 9:30 this morning they took her down to have a PICC line put in. They wanted to remove the central line, since it is in her groin area. Once she starts going to the bathroom, the risk of infection goes up. The last thing we want is that! They tried to put it in her right arm, but were unsuccessful. She has nice skinny veins that like to blow! They were successful in getting it in her left arm. Unfortunately, she was then very uncomfortable for the reamainder of the day. She moaned and sort of cried off and on a lot today. They did end up giving her a small dose of morphine. That helped and she did sleep, but she still didn't want to be held much. I think between sore arms, sore groin area, a belly pumped full of fluids, and eating some it was just too much! She is just pitiful. I just want to pick her up and squeeze her and tell her that everything will be okay!

I know this jumps around some, but it was lot of stuff to remember and piece together. I hope it gives you a btter understanding of what has been going on. In a later post I will explain just what Atypical HUS is!